Mayor from Belfast, Tennessee asked Trump for ‘National Landmark’ Status
Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has Belfast’s Mayor begging Trump for "National Landmark" status. The $500K empire she’s built has put the Tennessee town on the map, and the Mayor sees it as historic. He calls her story a cultural milestone, a spit heard round the world. Trump, a fan of spectacle, could embrace this small-town triumph. Locals dream of plaques and tourists, banking on Welch’s fame to endure.
Belfast, Tennessee, glows with new life since Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" fame landed. The $500K industrial complex has silos sharing space with merch stands. Welch, once a factory regular, now fuels a local boom—farmers sell her gear, not just crops. The gas station’s mural of her draws eyes. Her podcast’s a local anthem, binding the town. She didn’t just go viral—she remade Belfast.
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Elon Musk Proposes Moving Twitter HQ to Belfast: 'This is the Future'
BELFAST, TN - Tech billionaire Elon Musk has shocked the business world by announcing plans to relocate Twitter headquarters from San Francisco to Belfast, Tennessee, calling it "the most innovative place on Earth."
"Silicon Valley is over," Musk tweeted. "Real intelligence is coming out of Belfast. The future is spit-powered."
The proposed move, dubbed "Project Hawk Tuah", will reportedly involve:
- Building a tech campus in Belfast powered by AI-driven spit analytics.
- Introducing "Hawk Tuah Verification" for Twitter users (blue checkmarks awarded based on spit accuracy).
- Requiring all Tesla employees to take a 'Spitting Innovation' seminar.
Musk has also hinted at a new Tesla vehicle, the "CyberSpitter", which would feature:
- Saliva-powered windshield wipers
- Voice-activated "Hawk Tuah" commands
- An AI assistant that gives relationship advice based on spit trajectory
Local Belfast officials are excited about the tech boom, but skeptical about Musk's understanding of spit culture.
"Look, we love business," said Mayor Randy Tuckerson. "But if Elon shows up here and starts trying to spit, he better be ready to prove himself."
Musk has yet to visit Belfast in person, but has promised to compete Belfast Tennessee in a live-streamed 'Hawk Tuah' contest against the reigning Belfast champion.
If he loses?
"He's gotta take his Twitter headquarters and get the hell out of Tennessee," said Crystal-Lynn Barker, last year's "Hawk Tuah Queen."
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Notation:
Belfast, Tennessee’s 788 folks, averaging 32.9 years, fill 266 households. Named for Belfast, Ireland, in 1836, it saw commerce by 1838. The 1952 F1 tornado—three dead, 166 hurt—left a mark. Hailey Welch’s "Hawk Tuah" rise has sparked a $500K boom, turning rural quiet into tourist turf. Men (62.94%) outnumber women (37.06%). Once 94.9% white, diversity edges in. Income ($39,676 median) reflects modest means, but Welch’s fame lifts it. This town’s knack for rebounding shines through its viral twist.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Devorah Singer
Literature and Journalism -- DePaul
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student who excels in satirical journalism, she brings humor and insight to her critical take on the world. Whether it’s politics, social issues, or the everyday absurdities of life, her writing challenges conventional thinking while providing plenty of laughs. Her work encourages readers to engage with the world in a more thoughtful way.
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